Enjoy Your Meal

"Hah! Get real!", that's what I mutter under my breath as a take my perfectly nuked S'more out of the microwave. This new microwave of mine seems almost human as it speaks to me across a digital screen. It asks me questions about my food choices, how many pounds to defrost, and whether I'm reheating or choosing to cook a raw potato. After my choices are made and the spirited little "ding" erupts from my miraculous black box, I open the door and promptly this message skips across the screen, "ENJOY YOUR MEAL".

When was the last time I enjoyed a meal? Don't get me wrong, I've had many meals that one would classify as enjoyable, but for some reason...OK, for many reasons I don't enjoy them.

Reason #1- I am so famished from putting off eating to clean out the toilets because they were going to be found by the city health officials as hazardous that I am scrambling to send something, er...anything, to the huge abyss that is my stomach in order to get it to shut up.

#2- I am struggling to get my own bite in between feeding the 3 children who have descended upon my late meal like three circling vultures, brought in by the aroma.

#3- The fact that I made this meal, and in the process have tasted and re-tasted every last bit of gravy and every crumb of bread to the point that everything tastes the same, and not very appetizing either. Not to mention the fact that this taste testing extravaganza has left my stomach full, without any enjoyment of the contents!

#4- When I actually get to go out to eat, and can avoid the three previous hurdles from my list, I take to my food with reckless abandon and eat almost everything in sight, to the point of absolute and overwhelming gastrointestinal distress!

#5- Last, but certainly not least, I am obsessing over the caloric contents, the nutritional value, and overall "healthiness" of the meal. Don't get me wrong, I am not a health nut, and that I suppose, is the problem!

So, now that I've identified all the reasons why enjoying my meal is not a possibility, I suppose it would be wise for me to try to figure out how to enjoy my meal. From looking at the above list, I suppose the best possible answer is to eat alone, only food that I don't make, with monitored portions, all prepared by dietitions. Hmmm. Not gonna work. (Oprah has all the luck!)

Well, I guess I could try to eat with my family, thus getting rid of the eating before the meal and the kids stealing the late meal issue. I could also try to limit the amount I eat, not toss it aside completely, but perhaps put it away for a few hours later? Yah, that might help, especially if I knew that I could enjoy more later. Oh, and I guess I need to toss out the guilt that I so heavily load on my plate, like a pile of homemade mashed potatoes (who doesn't load up on that?). If I did all those things, then maybe, just maybe, I'd enjoy my meal. The only problem is, how do I remember to do all those things? Too bad the microwave doesn't flash:
"DON'T OVEREAT, SIT DOWN WITH YOUR FAMILY, BE SURE TO EAT A VEGETABLE OR TWO, AND ENJOY YOUR MEAL!"