My Brother's Keeper

We are at the Reservoir. We are enjoying the sun, the sand, and the murky water filled with fish that weave in and out around our feet. Several of my nieces are gathered in the knee high water trying to catch the fish that are too smart to get too close to their awkward little hands. I haven't noticed my nine year old laying on her beach towel. I take that back, of course I've noticed her, I count 1,2,3 constantly during outings such as this, just to keep track of my little flock of chickies. But I don't notice that she is distressed. My sister in law points this out to me. I see that she is burying her head in the sand covered by her Ariel Beach towel as if she were an ostrich. I shuffle through the grainy earth and kneel next to her.
"Sugar, what's wrong?".
Her reply is disheartening. "Mom, I just can't watch all these people! There are too many. What if someone goes out too far in the water and drowns? What if someone accidentally falls out of the canoe? What if I dont' see them and it's too late? I don't like it here, I can't have any fun."

I spend the next several minutes reassuring Sugar that it isn't her job to watch all these children. Doesn't she trust me as the mother? Doesn't she trust all the daddy's and mommy's parked on the beach watching their kids? Oh Sugar, just have fun. I'll let you know if I need your help to watch one of the little ones, until then, just enjoy yourself and and enjoy your time with the your friends and don't worry. It's not your job to keep track of everyone!

It is in this moment, this time I am giving such profound counsel that I discover that this sweet little one has inherited this tendency to constantly worry from me.

I am obsessed with taking care of everyone. It often brings me to tears. As I sit in the evening, pondering my day, I often think of all the people I should have done something for, said something to, and didn't. Did so and so need a treat dropped off at her house? Did such and such deserve a little more attention from me? Am I completely failing in my relationship with you know who? Should I be donating more money to the funds to feed those poor children in Africa. Should I be adopting one of the orphans from Mexico that my sister describes in such painful detail after each of her trips? What did I miss? When did I say something wrong? How can I possibly do it all?

Then, I imagine a parent, I parent infinitely more skilled at parenting than I am. A parent who loves and cares for each of his children individually and intimately. This parent is whispering to me,
"Angie, do you not trust me? Do you not know that I am watching out for my children? Do you not realize that I love them much more than you could ever imagine? When I need your help, I will let you know. You must stay close to me, so that you can hear my call, but until then, be at peace...enjoy what I have blessed you with and the opportunities that lay before you. You are only required to love them and enjoy them, and yes, sometimes to watch over them when I ask you to. Do you not remember the ninety and nine? I am also counting my young ones, just as you. I will not forget one, I will not forsake one, and above all, I will not leave you with the burden of caring for them all alone. I will watch out for your brothers and sisters, and you will too, but in the end, it is I who will be counting each and every one...including you."